Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
