Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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