i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
