thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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