btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
