hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
