I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
