That's when you crack a 10am beer
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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