i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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