Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
