so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
