i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
