After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
