the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
