We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
