Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck appropriateness.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
