is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
