i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
