saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
