Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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