He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
