tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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