stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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