Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
