Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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