sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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