he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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