The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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