one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
