and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
