the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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