I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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