So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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