I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
