I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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