HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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