we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
