I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
