I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
