then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
