I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
