He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
