I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
