you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
