turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
