Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
