It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
