my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
