We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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