My boss' voice literally gives me gas
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
