Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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