I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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