he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
