U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
