he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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