from now on my penis is your penis
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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