are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Alive.
So much puke
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
