just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
